Let’s talk about low self-esteem

By Hai Truong, Registered Psychologist

Now that the start of the year has come and passed, a lot of us may see this time as an opportunity to grow as individuals – maybe try out a new hobby, better ourselves professionally, or develop new social connections. Most of us can look past on years gone by and see what was missing as a way to guide us into developing goals for the coming year and build ourselves up. But then what about the case of the person who can recognise what they are missing, but doesn’t have that drive or energy or even the belief that they can improve or better their lives? They may be experiencing weeks, months, or even years of stagnation where they feel stuck – without any hope that things will get better so they don’t try. This may be the case for those experiencing poor self-esteem as this belief of themselves as “not capable” can actually be the reason why they are not growing, which is why recognising when one has this is so important.

Where does poor self-esteem come from?

Almost everyone experiences low confidence at some point in their lives. It is the natural process of experiencing aspects of life that they may not be familiar with to indicate that more attention needs to be put into developing that part of themselves. However, poor self-esteem comes from a sustained belief that one is constantly failing, not meeting expectations, and finding it difficult to see value within oneself. So how does poor self-esteem even develop in the first place? It may be hard for a person with poor self-esteem to remember a time that they didn’t see themselves in this way – however, this is still just a belief, and with any sort of belief, the foundations of how they developed come from lived experiences. Something like failing a test, being laughed at in a social situation, or being dismissed by loved ones could leave that person with feelings of disappointment, rejection, embarrassment, and frustration just to name a few. If these feelings are not properly supported and responded to in the right way – then these feelings become internalised which creates the seed of doubt within oneself and so the belief of poor self-esteem starts to grow.

How to support a person with poor self-esteem?

To heal from a belief system is not an easy process, as this involves digging through the roots of how this system developed and the core beliefs within that system that maintain a person’s poor self-esteem. However, this does not mean that this process will have to take years of therapy to see any improvement. In fact, given even one good session of opening up one’s vulnerability with a support who is empathic, understanding, and genuine in caring for that person’s needs – that person could feel an immediate shift within themselves which builds their momentum for change. You can’t change your experiences, however, with the correct guidance and support, you can heal the way these experiences have been processed to rediscover the values that made you want to build yourself up in the first place.