Two brief, research-based reflection tools to help you understand patterns in how you connect with others and relate to yourself.
Please read before you begin
This tool is designed for personal reflection and general education only. It is not a clinical assessment, not a diagnostic instrument, and not a substitute for professional psychological support.
- The questions in Part 1 touch on close relationships and attachment. Some people find these topics emotionally activating. Please take care of yourself as you complete them.
- Results describe general patterns, not fixed traits. They are a starting point for self-reflection, not a conclusion about who you are.
- If your results raise difficult feelings, or if you recognise patterns that feel distressing or hard to shift, we encourage you to speak with a psychologist.
- This tool is not suitable for use during a mental health crisis. If you are in distress, please contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or your nearest emergency service.
Part 1 of 2 - How You Connect in Close Relationships
The statements below are about how you generally feel in emotionally close relationships. We are interested in your general patterns, not just what is happening in a current relationship. Rate each statement on a scale from 1 (disagree strongly) to 7 (agree strongly).
1.
I'm afraid that I will lose my partner's love.
Your answer:
Disagree strongly
Neither
Agree strongly
2.
I often worry that my partner will not want to stay with me.
Your answer:
Disagree strongly
Neither
Agree strongly
3.
I often worry that my partner doesn't really love me.
Your answer:
Disagree strongly
Neither
Agree strongly
4.
I worry that romantic partners won't care about me as much as I care about them.
Your answer:
Disagree strongly
Neither
Agree strongly
5.
I'm afraid that once a romantic partner gets to know me, he or she won't like who I really am.
Your answer:
Disagree strongly
Neither
Agree strongly
6.
I rarely worry about my partner leaving me.
Your answer:
Disagree strongly
Neither
Agree strongly
7.
I prefer not to show a partner how I feel deep down.
Your answer:
Disagree strongly
Neither
Agree strongly
8.
I find it difficult to allow myself to depend on romantic partners.
Your answer:
Disagree strongly
Neither
Agree strongly
9.
I don't feel comfortable opening up to romantic partners.
Your answer:
Disagree strongly
Neither
Agree strongly
10.
I prefer not to be too close to romantic partners.
Your answer:
Disagree strongly
Neither
Agree strongly
11.
I feel comfortable sharing my private thoughts and feelings with my partner.
Your answer:
Disagree strongly
Neither
Agree strongly
12.
I find it relatively easy to get close to my partner.
Your answer:
Disagree strongly
Neither
Agree strongly
Part 2 of 2 - How You Treat Yourself in Difficult Times
The statements below describe how you typically respond to yourself when things are hard. Please read each one carefully and rate how often you behave in the stated manner, from 1 (almost never) to 5 (almost always).
13.
I'm disapproving and judgmental about my own flaws and inadequacies.
Your answer:
Almost never
Sometimes
Almost always
14.
When I'm feeling down, I tend to obsess and fixate on everything that's wrong.
Your answer:
Almost never
Sometimes
Almost always
15.
I try to be loving toward myself when I'm feeling emotional pain.
Your answer:
Almost never
Sometimes
Almost always
16.
When I fail at something important to me, I become consumed by feelings of inadequacy.
Your answer:
Almost never
Sometimes
Almost always
17.
I try to see my failings as part of the human condition.
Your answer:
Almost never
Sometimes
Almost always
18.
When I'm going through a very hard time, I give myself the caring and tenderness I need.
Your answer:
Almost never
Sometimes
Almost always
19.
When something upsets me, I try to keep my emotions in balance.
Your answer:
Almost never
Sometimes
Almost always
20.
When I fail at something that's important to me, I tend to feel alone in my failure.
Your answer:
Almost never
Sometimes
Almost always
21.
When I'm feeling down, I remind myself that there are lots of people in the world who feel the way I do.
Your answer:
Almost never
Sometimes
Almost always
22.
When times are really difficult, I tend to be tough on myself.
Your answer:
Almost never
Sometimes
Almost always
23.
I'm tolerant of my own flaws and inadequacies.
Your answer:
Almost never
Sometimes
Almost always
24.
When I'm feeling down, I tend to feel that most other people are probably happier than I am.
Your answer:
Almost never
Sometimes
Almost always
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