Why Do We Push and Pull in Relationships? Understanding Anxious and Avoidant Attachment Patterns
Have you ever felt like you’re always chasing closeness while your partner keeps pulling away—or the reverse, where you feel overwhelmed and need space just as they need connection most? You’re not alone. Many couples find themselves caught in this painful dance, unsure how to step out of the cycle.
What’s Really Going On Beneath the Surface?
Attachment theory helps us make sense of these patterns. It’s not necessarily that one partner cares more than the other—rather, each is trying to feel safe, in ways that can unintentionally trigger the other.
Our hardwired need for connection: let’s talk about attachment science
When it comes to understanding the way we experience human connection in our lives, from friends to family, attachment science has a lot to say. The science of attachment has developed categories of attachment styles, which are patterns of behaviour that can be observed in the way individuals form bonds with significant others. These are established in early childhood and extend throughout our lives. Our attachment style can contribute to how we experience and process emotions, the way we interact socially, and more broadly, our overall well-being. Attachment involves a deep, enduring connection that aligns with our needs from others, and the way that we communicate these needs, which can influence how we perceive, approach, and navigate our relationships.